I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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