you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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