All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
