He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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