Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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