let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think i got beer on your cat.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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