Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
