What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
