Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
