Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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