Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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