Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
