So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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