According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
A+ Viking dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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