forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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