sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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