I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
