Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
