I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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