after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
