last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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