I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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