In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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