I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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