11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
