Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
