Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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