I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.