You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
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Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
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Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.