I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
