please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.