Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
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You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.