He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
