worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
