do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
