why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
did i just pee glitter
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
