i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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