The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize