it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
