my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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