Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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