ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.