I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
