Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
