you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dick very happy bro
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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