Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
