Kiss
Puke
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my poor anus
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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