Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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