you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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