Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
