Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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