my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Are we still banned from the library?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
