You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
barbara walters just said penis...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
