she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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