I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
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hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize