Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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