Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
