I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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