It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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