he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
