Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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