No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
