I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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