before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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