I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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