Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
