Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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