his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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