I love black thongs
too bad you live with your parents still
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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