So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
