walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
